People Person

When you’re mad at someone, you are more inclined to notice and criticize their behavior.  But then someone you are not mad at will engage in the same behavior and you won’t criticize them.  Not only that, but sometimes you don’t even notice the person you are not mad at behaves that way.  What then?  You talk negatively about the person you are mad at behind their back with people you are not mad at, all of whom are doing the same thing with the people they are mad and not mad at.  Do you feel better?  Temporarily.  Being mad is temporary.

You are no longer mad at the person you were mad at, and now you feel bad for talking about them negatively behind their back with people you weren’t mad at at the time.  Now you are mad at one of them for saying a lot of bad things about the person you are no longer mad at.  You will make it up to the person you are no longer mad at by being mad at one of the people you were not mad at, and with whom you talked negatively about the person you now are not mad at.  How could the person you are now mad at be so mean?  Plus, there was this one time a while back when they did a bad thing; now that you think about it, that was a really mean, bad thing.  This person you are now mad at only cares about themself. 

You meet up with the person you are no longer mad at to talk negatively about the person you are now mad at behind their back.  The person you are not mad at agrees and suddenly has a lot of very true observations about the person you are mad at.  There is a lot of behavior to criticize and the two of you talk through it.  You don’t say anything to the person you now like about the bad things you said to the person you used to like about the person you now like.  You think to yourself you didn’t mean those things.  The person you now like understands, even though they didn’t know it happened because it happened behind their back.  But the person you no longer like has definitely behaved badly.  That person only cares about themself, and that person says one thing but does another.  It’s sad, you and the person you now like think.  It’s sad because you thought you could trust this person you no longer like.  Now the person might as well be an enemy.  Now everything they said and did is whisked away in uncertainty.  It’s a good thing you have the person you now like.  The person you now like is trustworthy and you understand each other. 

You and the person you used to not like but now like part ways. Later that night, lying awake in bed, you stare into the dark ceiling crying and thinking about how everyone is mad at you, including the person you now like.  You apply every criticism you’ve had about the behavior of people you are mad at to yourself.  You are mad at yourself and why would anyone not be mad at you?  Who are you but a collection of everyone you are mad at?  Before you know it, you are awake the next morning.  You are meeting the person you now like for breakfast.  You walk into the kitchen and begin preparing a waffle for one.

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~ by josephmchugh on December 27, 2012.

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